droplet of traces

SHENG i luv you haha!!!
i went to sheng de houz to take a disc that he burned for me tat is to be installed on my recently bought laptop.how ar...i dun really know how to make gd use of the comp.ar..is lik wastin money.medical check up again tml...and i m sleepin so late=_=!! 3 or 4years in switzerland, i m goin to misss alot of ppl, especially ppl lik sheng.though we dun really meet up quite frequently, he seems to be always very dependable haha,so loyal man.luv him so much ahhaa.thanx for his company despite the rainy weather.i really appreciate the big and little things tat he hav done for me,his sincerity and evrything bout him...ahhh shengde thanx alot really thank you!!!...ur old classmate cum lovin fren=))

home-sick

i want to get back to indo fast.arghhh...i woke up late todae even though i made an appointment to visit the doctor at 10.teo clinic for children, my last visit there was lik 7 years ago.haha...the doctor actually gave me 3 vaccines,which i dun know wad are they.he was cranky and old enough to grumble bout me rushin him to fill up my form for the medical check up.darn...he lectured me for bein lik a baby...ohhhh...i wish i am he probably neve realise that i m others' baby haha.i lik babies , they are juz as cute and not as innocent as me haha.wahh lao,indeed i tried to rush him, but still he needs me to go back again on wed.there goes my extra 3 days in bintan.huh, i tink adults are funny creatures.i dun see myself as adult.and i dun exactly know who are adults.i was queeuin up for taxi..unfortunately i queeued on the wrong line which was the longest initially, until the guard insisted that we need to requeue...ahhhh...i thought i was smart.this is not the only stupid things that i did.a few days ago...i took the wrong mrt line for the 1st time in my life..sosososo STUPID! hiu fung would be happy to hear tat=Pahh..i m so stressed again..and so sleppy dun know why.watchin korean drama made me cry..my cute little baby inside may die anytime huhhhh.i aso watched another drama this sat..wahh i lik the gal alottttt,she is so crazily pretty haha and of course there is aso my fav actor,one cute hunk haha.i admire metrosexuals...their dress sense and attitude..wahhh...korean guys can dress pretty well unlik spore star who might not even change their clothes frequently when they are actin.hm....i m wanderin as if time doesnt flyand there is no direction...i m givin myself amonth time to look for my compass.yes haha faidi!!! live life to the fullest?a half-filed drink seem to serve better.

dreams of hope

i m not feelin really well today...i tink is due to the lack of slp. clubbin at zouk was again an 'eye openin' experience. but the drinks were so ex....a tiny cup of dun know wad cost lik 10 plus......headache. i wanna slp!
i wanna get high! AGAIN.

we are different

i m juz so pissed with my father for quite some time. haiz...it turn out more to be a disappointment than anger. he simply does not know me well. always, lik wad most elderly would tink...we youngsters do things in a sloppy way. i m not! i know him too well, far beyond his understanding of me. i learnt tat silent works best, there is no point argueing when both of us is stubborn in our own way. indeed, he did feel a little apologetic, gd for me. i bear no grudges...but simply hope to get away from tat akward situation. it juz dun feel rite i guess. family, are they simply another beings tat happen to bump closer to us...or there are exceptional spritual thingin tat bind us as one. i believe in inheritance...the way of life, our behaviours...i started to see myself behavin lik either my mum or dad. however, i will definitely reflect upon my own behaviour tat seems equivalent to theirs. parents are always rite? i dun tink so. when you are young, our innocent minds form tat illusion, as we grow up the perfection we hold for them slowly tear away...it hurts but it is better than to lead a deluding life.but, still no matter wad...my parents are great=ME hee

dreams of hope

my agent phoned me that my acceptance letter to les roches has came.hm...tml i m goin to see what it looks like.haiz...i hav been stayin at home for past 2 days..i m so broke to go anywhere.hav to take money again=(luckily there is korean drama to keep me away from my sianness hahaha.i m watchin wonderful life...not pretty new though, my sis told me tat it was nice to watch.hm...i was quite satisfied these 2 days at home...i hav been exercisin hehe.of course joggin was so tirin...i wanna faint...maybe i need to jog more.my arm was kind of injured these few days...but not today,ha...i woke up feeling good tat i dun hav to stuggle to try to pull up the dumbell.hm...hope my exercise routine will last long...always i will juz stop it as and when i lik...bad bad bad.huh....3 more days to go to meet my parents, they are coming to assist me in the application...thanx godness or i bet i may juz stay in spore for good.

GLORIA and SAMUEL bdae is tomorrow!!! HAPPY BDAE TO TWO OF THEM...MAY SAMUEL HAV HIS GRAND PIANO SOON AND MAY MISS PRAWN LEE CONTINUE TO STAY CRAZY AND CHEERFUL.HAPPY BDAE HAPPY BDAE!!!!!!!!....samuel remember to get me rings from thailand.remember 'manly' haha

wahhhh...actually i kind of enjoy clubbing.haha i lik the loud music and the wawa mood there haha.i tink anyone could get high easily and free themselves.yes... i should go to club more often in the future until i m sian of it. damn damn damn...aaaarrr i was tinkin again if i should have signed for the july intake.too late even if i want to stay in spore now.my mum was telling me to juz go for it.i was so confused and troubled...wadeva it is, i tink i could not reach my final decision, but i pretended evrything will go as smoothly as she thought, hopefuly tat could have comforted her.she will miss me dearly as i would have.tell you wad, i m gonna miss stayin in spore.i miss how childish when i first came, i will miss how i did so well in school hehe, and of course i will have to miss how cute to experience love,friendship, yes not forgettin to miss my wahhh TAf club session,ccas,different from clubbin though.haha lastly i will miss my jc life.muach muach muach...i survived haha and struggled through it waha.capable indeed.jc life was the lowest and highest point of my life up till now.wah...so scary rite, is lik a roller coaster ride....i felt my heart beat so fast at some time and it almost died down at another point of time.life experiences hav neither substitutes nor complement.no firm would charge any price for an exchange, public goods, merit or demerit goods?it depends on the externalities..good or bad....i hope my life experiences would not hav cause a divergence between social cost and tat of my private cost.divergance may be good...if tat of private cost is higher...would anyone accept it?who is so stupid rite...tats y i tink market failure exists.not because it arises from bad effects of consumption or production but rather a social dilemma tat comes from within.thanx to econs.

i hate you!!!

i hav been bloggin but wher the hell my entries went.shit....everything juz bad. i m stressed!!! shitty decision and enough of forcing me to make a choice. i hate hate to stay alive. give a break...maybe i can die for lik a few hours to feel wad is dyin all bout. den i tink i would make a better decision of the steps in life. everything juz went berserk...my head...filled with things tat are redundant and stupid. juz lik how stupid i m. i trust no one and not even myself.

it's after A level! i ought to be more relax than bef. but it seems that i cant enjoy myself that much. my application to the hotel school is givin me lots of problem. so hate it. stayin in spore is turning to be an incentive. i have been goin out for the past 2 days...shopping is fun but can be tirin. huh....i muz remind myself to enjoy=0

dreams of hope

is not the 28 yet.but....

i dun think i could discipline myself well enough
i hav been goin from blog to blog reading wad is in the mind of others, juz another 2 weeks to go.hope everything would be fine.
i feel the sudden urge to talk bout macroeconomics policy. the econs paper ended my 2 year of siew cheng lesson. miss ng was tellin me tat i m a great student and the result will show. oh gosh...wad if the result doesnt show.haha anyway i would not be troubled by it. i still think that wadeva it is the 2 year of studyin econs was a sense of fulfillment. econs would bring back the fond memories of the se7en elitist in class and of course not forgetting our dearest ct ms flowery ng. the tension, excitement and ...many many weird stuff that we all did in class. trying to ask more question when knowin tat ms ng is goin through another part of the hw tat we neve did. borrowin books from other class if we forgot to bring....and not forgetting to look at the dress and shoes tat she would wear on tat day. for a moment , i feel lik pursuing econs in uni.i tghink i hav fallen for econs juz lik ms ng did haha. anyway...i dun think i will be stayin in spore for long. i hav decided to pursue my studies in hotel management in switzerland. i dun think my 2 years of A lvl would be wasted as many would have claimed. i luv bein in nj. i was proud to be part of the college, part of a01 , so8 and the art elective programme. i suppose nj hav given me the most in life. the struggle of me wanting so much to be an njcian, the friendship that fails and continues and the way how art developes me as a person.

i believe the next time i blog everything will come to an end.i am half dead.struggling to remind myself of the date of the exam.i need to get away from too much slp and the computer.go apri apui acai bedai apro!!!.it is time to get motivated.

28th 0f november!!!!THE END

you are neither here or there i plead harbour
a friend or a foe penitence no no
not both your back drudgery
i wish to share red selfish
to share cynical awesome
to share amazing hair
unlikely hatred gay
you will be there
reluctance goodbye
anger your life
past memories scared isolation
i keep

for a moment of time i was so happy tat i wished i could tell my closest friend how happy am i.

i feel isolated out of a sudden.
we come together,we crosspath and soon we become alone.
i miss
reminiscence
the essence of life
people
sealed predominantly in the heart

oh gosh. juz stop looking at me inconspicuously with great displeased.i dun think i will appreaciate ur f* attitude. its me so wad. hate me if u want. though i will forget and forgive, i juz wish to strangle you you at that point of time. i m so sick of some ppl around me. damn! life sucks. please stop makin mine suckier.

wah, princess hours! I haven even hav the chance to watch it. I realise tat Ken Ji is quite cool on stage. today tuitionin was quite enjoyable.hm he seems to get better in maths...of course great teacher here haha. I saw alot of cute capsules at jurong on sat, all the mini version of toys. I wish they all belong to me haha.den i shall not stop admirin them.haiz need to write my own testimonial again.shit... so crappy and a total waste of time.cannot blame the teacher.wads is there to write bout?besides a few similar comments lik pleasant ,helpful, friendly bla bla shit. i dun give much a damn but i hav to...errr how superficial we are.they should stop feeding us with testimonial. it is non-representative of us, i suppose. a lvl alvl... i m thinkin wad should i do after the exam.excited yet anxious....huh i get distracted so easily, tv,comp and shops...wah they are so irresistable. i keep thinkin of wantin to go out. how how!!??? wah lao i meet my ex classmates today,we used to keep in contact via smses. i feel bad for not bein tat friendly.she muz be thinkin tat i hav a weird temper. belajar belajar......acai!!!!!!

The fleeting of time. I m so slack.... I need to get serious. i must do my best. or i wont be happy.aprrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrri.shall not sleep too much=( bad bad bad.

everything seems like it wants to be replayed. I m excited yet disappointed. I know it won't turn out the way it is. I should have given up, given up long ago,but it comes back again..... i just want to be alone, alone so that i would not blame anyone. I dun wish to exploit others which I suppose i have a propensity to do so. I no longer feel comfortable in getting too close to anyone. I m so afraid of closeness. familiarity really breeds contempt. I apologize.

no more tracing for me.
I will miss art block and its atmosphere.
the people, the mess, and the often neglected paintings and other artworks and myspace.....

trace trace trace...some may argue the fact that it involves no skills in creating such a work. I find it otherwise. I realise that in art making, the ability to draw is a basic requirement. drawing has lose its attractiveness. while painting, i think i m still learning how to paint. tracing though seemingly easy might not appear as it is. tracing indeed involves less technical abilities...however it say alot bout my perception of art bein not juz a mere technical paper. juz like the Dadaist believes that everyone can become an artist. art too has reached out its limits of goin beyond a drawing paper and a canvas. the presentation of art and an artist perception of art differ through time. as i always thought it is pointless to tap on a diff task if one can try other alternatives to produce the same effect.in fact, tracing has allow me to accept and consider other media as an exploration. one should not perceive art as whether it is to our dislike or like. being open-minded would expose ourselves to greater acceptance. in life...there is no perfection. i learn to accept any treatment from others, though i might feel oppressed at some point of time. i also realise that the only way to stay happy or unaffected is to believe that at some point of time....no matter wad....there will be people that will treat us equally well as how we treats them.I feel so blessed.blessed with the sweet returns from others.
NJ aep rox!

idlee

i m bad,but who cares...some ppl are juz so bored that i cant stand them for long. i want to be excited and amazed at all times! especially during this period. haiz......i wish everything is over. i want to enjoy life to the fullest....dreams of hope. i m dreaming, dreaming that i could be a successful hotelier. i wanna work in big hotel. then pheng guan could get free membership card haha. OR, may be pheng guan should win toto. den i will have no worries going to cornell if i lik to.

hm... i used to lik to create a surreal landscape, dream-like where i can only see the things that i like.i was dreaming of becoming an architect then.maybe dali and escher are the first few artist i learn to know.their work impressed me.i neve know art exist in such forms.i learn that art could provide a platform for me to generate my likings for great structures.i used to like the ten wonders of the world.most of them are buildings, if i dun remember it wrongly.the time machine somehow also inspired me along the way.
life is beatiful?as i grew up i learn that i live in reality...i face the real sadness and hatred for things.i m so disturb by some things around me.it is no longer surreal.they turned real, somehow they start to disappoint me.it was so complex.surreality enables us to run away from logic.the hatred for rigidness and rules we must obey.juz lik a dream, it happens so coincidentally, without much effort or wanting to dream.creating an artwork may differs, constant struggles is needed to create our dream.dream may not be perceived as real,somehow to you and me it seems to be part of us.we cant deny the fact that our dream has come true...the art work is tangible.it expressed more than what it is-a dreamscape.

lucid dream

i only realise its existence today.30th apriL..time passed...i m grateful to the unknown.can you hear me=))

dreams of hope

we went to singapore biennale openin.mr.lee insisted to gel my hair...not bad though,initially i thought he was makin fun of me.so crappy...he said he can hav another profession haha.there is nothin much to see at the padang, there was a half naked man though.alot of arty ppl were there,artist,angmos....and miss lu.rock music...but not enough to get me high.i like night life...i lik to wonder around till late at night...especially with a group of crazy friends.


friends who are they, i feel that i m losing out in alot of things. my relationship with others, it was bad than i could imagine probably. i m tryin so hard that wadeva ways seem wrong. tired, i m so tired. in life is not about me. i wish it is all bout me. i hate to know ppl that would hurt me. or ppl that would make me hurt myself. i have a bad temper, i m possesive and stubborn. i hate to lose out. i hate ppl looking down at me. i want to prove myself worthy...worthy of myself. i hate ppl who compare me with others. i would like to cherish the presence of others. i would like them to know that they are all special and unique in their own ways. i m too used to hav a big ego. i m sorry if i hav hurt anyone.really sorry. i dun mean to insult anyone. sometimes, the best way is to avoid. only those who understand me deserve my understanding. i suppose everyone deserves....since i hate to choose and make anymore decision. i was reading my journal....i realise how pathetic i m=(

peng iu!!

everyday is a constant struggle.my struggle to stay focus and be happy.i learned alot from ppl around me.i m so envious of them, they are always happy.happy=)

tml, another pe session ...the last pe session was so memorable i guess.si yuan was sayin that a few months has passed and would be our last time to hav free period together.haiz.....so funny that i cant even remember when i start to hav conversation with this noisy guy.ya, he sounds lik a bird.haha but he dislikes me callin him bird.i lik his bubliness and positive attitude towards life.HAHAHA he fails his napfa again.hm.....hopefully he can pass tml, dun give up stupid fool!oh ya.kang wei!!! JIA YOU!though u might not see me tml.happy bdae ziheng=))find a galfriend quick!

a pui!

oh gosh!!!!i wanted to do my compres for homework den i found out that i neve bring them home. i think i should pon gp for the 3rd time.huh...that teacher can be scary.shit shit shit need to think of gd excuse.gd things neve happen.i am so scared of sleeping up late. i m afraid to get sick again...haiz so stressful. A level coming. slacking my way through doing artwork.i wonder how prepared i can be when the days come near.i need to search for school again. arghhhh!so busy.really have no time to waste.i m wondering if i really enjoying it.i m confused.maybe i should wait till i look back...the future tells the story of the past, believe it or not.

sickling

mr lee was rite.he told me i shouldnt stay up till so late.i woke up feelin very tired yesterday,but still i went to skul for the celebration.i thought it was only due to the lack of sleep.after, i found out that i hav headache and i juz cant continue to trace.i took a nap in ar21.kexin was there and some other ppl.she was so sweet of wakin me up and allowin me to slp again after she knew that i wasnt feelin that well.we promised to motivate one another for the art project.later the rest of them insist that i should go home.i refused.as kexin had said, home wasnt exactly home.i enjoyed the company of friends.we ordered mc donalds delivery and i had tea for my drink instead of usual coke light or milo.we played sparkles that gloria's brought from home.and sung our way out of skul like a group of students being possesed by kexin satanic music.haha ...i still hav much energy then.going home alone was such a dreadful journey.it was so bad,i felt that i could faint anytime walking up the hill to my house.i think i need to slp early tonite.i was guilty for not meeting my own set target.i need to finish 6 traces this week!oh goshhhh...time is running out.some time i would find myself prayin hopin to calm myself down.i am too stress perhaps.even yesterday nite, i dreamt that i actually finish the next 19 traces in juz one day.i was so happy.dream was only a dream...i never dare to dream.it brings too much disappointment.i m still findin ways to make myself a better person.i do not want to disappoint myself and the others.acha acha faidi! come on go go go=)

I wasnt tired the day before.i slpt at 4 doin my gp,maths and econs.i m so tired now.feel lik dyin for a moment and live again.my elder sister and grandma are here in sg.i havent paid them a visit.so busy,i wished i had tried my best to cope.i want to be my best and telling pthers that i can do it haha.my tuition kid is doin pretty well so far.he reminds me of a person whom i used to be closed.he has a blur look and the lack of confidence in his character.i enjoy teachin him so far.hopefully i can be a good tuition teacher and motivator, i hope i am not simply teachin him both A and E maths.

i learn to forgive.forgivin others and myself.i know i m rite.

aprooooo

someone is back.rememberin my secondary skul day.i think it was a stupid yet memorable experience.my first crush!i dun know how...or maybe she is juz so beautiful.nothin happen in the end.we remain as friends.and still tryin to keep in contact with each other.time passed,it has been close to two years that we never met.kind of miss that feelin if she is goin to appear again.apro...wad a dumb name lahhh...haiz 'novuck' thats wad i enjoy calling her haha.fashionable gal....ew=P

Dear apri!

tired.somehow i feel being reflected.i miss my other half.i need to be more confident.i need to trust myself that i can.i believe.i still remember how great Fantasia was at the final of American idol.have been looking for her cd and is nowhere to be found.poetraic was interesting... heart was described as a lift.i lost my soul-half dead.a few months to go.i want to reach the end and hopefully i m prepared for a happy ending.

ot na yir pa

i told others i dun need friends.i can be alone and be independent.i dun understand why things happen and why each time i will relate them together.things can be unrelated but i juz have the tendency to link them.i m disappointed...yes i told myself,trying my best wasnt my best.i will neve get wad i deserve or juz the others dun want me to have wad i deserve.y make things so complicated...y cant we human beings live as if we are one...in fact we are.y do we hav to know so much into another person...while you know u dun need to.so many y...yyyyy....i dun want things to turn out that way.i wanna hold that of my own destiny, i wanna choose the life that i want...all i want is you and you are getting further and further........life is hard, i hate to see sadness in the eyes of others.yet, i m jealous to see the smiles in others' faces.it is always good to be optimistic.forgive me! forgiv me! i shall try my best....the best is yet to be=)

in a swing

stayin awake.i need to stress myself.i need stress.time to do some work and not to procrastinate.i would want to believe that something is juz not worth bothering.i m struggling yet i enjoy the process.i know i can fulfill myself as a person of my choice.

iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

struggling.i need slp.haiz....i miss my stop for the 1st time in my life.It was quite stupid i thought that i overslpt and missed my stop.argh!!!! tired, tired.everyone is remindin us that prelim is comin.stress! i do feel a little nervous.i hate to do badly in exam, but i think i m too used of gettin bad results.haha.hm....hopefully, as i would always dream that i will do better next time round.hiaz.....art coursework was quite a headache....hm....i still wait....wait for things to happen.i hope it would.then i shall be happy=) is janvin and mr lee bdae tml if i m not wrong.best wishes to mr lee.hope he is not too stressed and to janvin...i m sure others will treat u better if u try ur best.haha.if not den dun bother. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! STAY HAPPY ALWAYS=)

dreams of hope

It is always good to trust that miracles do happen. Leading life full of hope and giving ourselves to others. I learn to live as i trust i will.

========

a routine that i would not like to follow. I want something new to spice up my life. Nothing is worth looking forward to. I want so much to go back to indo asap, i know i would not be happy again if i m to return from indo. I miss the living in bintan and the presence of my family.

i cant sleep again.i will miss ''sunday voice''. i have been constantly telling myself not to think too much. i need a break! a long break pls!=(

tired

i m still wondering if i m living a fruitful life. circumstances make me feel and think that are otherwise. shit!wad happen to me.i m so deeply infected. infection...i dun even know wad cause things to turn out tat way. i want so much to be an artist, expressing thoughts through my artworks that seem to have mean something. no one understand art as it is. the act of living itself is juz lik a work of art. decison made changes, trying out of alternatives, puttin it in a suitable space for viewers to see, doing things that is beyond the understanding of others. making an artwork to me can be tiring...so many things to consider....likewise, having to live and making so many decisions of my own. an artwork is similar to a person....artists may know how to interprete an artwork,but they themselves might not even know what the work really means. even the artist producing the work. i come to realisation that i dun even not know myself well enough.
argghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

is vesak day!! i enjoy holidae.i can slp late haha.looking forward to A01 outing tml.

i miss A01 so much...still reminiscing bout the time we had spent during the 1st 3 months in nj. it was short yet so intense. i have never met such a wonderful classmates in my whole life. for the 1st time i feel the warmth of having friends around and not being that anti-social as i might seem to be in the past.
i dun feel that sad leavin the class, i knew such changes are inevitable in life. After all, memories of them will stay with me for the rest of my life. i welcome changes and treasure my past. the time i spent with others is a gift, an invaluable gift.

ke ke blue!

i begin to luv chao ke and his songs...he rox=)

i dreamt. sad, i thought. I feel so helpless....helpless as the friend of others, helpless of being myself.
stagnant....i need to work.

acceptance

i want to go out!i like to shop,i enjoy spending my time talking.staying at home makes me bored.i would choose to slp if i m at home...or listen to radio.i lik to watch tv too.i m so deprived of watching tv.time time time,my time seems to pass faster than i could grab hold of it.i hate to control myself,yet i have too or i m not living in this world,world that only the best will be liked and appreciated.so superficial,yes we are living in this world full of pretences and facade.obligation seems to rule many lives.as much as i dislike obligation,at some point of time i have no choice but to oblige.we oblige because of so many fears,fear of being alone,fear of losin friends,fear of uncertainties ahead etc.for me,i have the fear of myself.the fear of not being able to hav self-control,the fear of losing my self-esteem,the fear of living my life whom i deem as a failure.
i seem to change alot,some are gd yet some are not.i m so confused over the change, i made it happened yet i m so troubled by it.i find myself standin on the fence.i hate being judged by others.to think bout it,i hav never imagined myself bein scolded for things that do not describe me as one.why dun others trust me as i would like to trust them.for this i think i had failed.

menunggu

menunggu hari
menunggu dia
menunggu saya
menunggu........capek ah!
temen ku yang hilang haizzzz

Rust

rustiness.......i should avoid more of this kind.
familiarity breeds contempt.
i read and heard voices.i feel more than others....as if i m hallucinated.

As

i am grateful to those who remember my bdae.

i should avoid thinking too much...thinking......i feel so tired each time.i want a carefree life.A life that only I matters.i hate to let others affect me.I find difficulty controllin my emotions.My absence will be the best medicine..............

heartbeat

i was walking on this lonely path.i promised myself to change for the better.i fell for a flower.yet,i continued my walk....i knew i m right....

i like to think.........i think i suit no one but myself.
used to be.....when you are used to be,you are used.

rap heaL

wahhhhh!!! i lik aristal so much.
i would want to go out...but i have lots of homework this week.damn shit!gp essay....econs..art,haven start any,.....and probability,a sick topic for me.arghhhhh, i have not been doing anything much throughout the week.haiz...so tired.i hav been sleeping too much.....yet i feel even tired.i want to go back...go back.etude is at esplanade.i dun tink i can fake too much now haiz.....hahaha.i wasn't really faking lahhh,is juz that some parts of the songs damn hard lahhh.haiz ,hopefully i can play better for etude this time.yes i think i can lor....but but.still to some ppl i m not tat gd yet.wa laoooo.....bet i need more time and be more serious during each band pract.hahahahaha.and ya come early for band.wah kao...always late...kena fine...but i juz dun wan to pay since i hav cleaned the band roomhaha,or they want me to dance is ok too,since aristal inspires me hahahhahahah.jkin....aaaaaahhhhh cai ah cai...kayanya gua harus rajin dikit deh.sial sial....makin malas aja.ohhh ya......nafa comin lor....haha i will need to attend remedial even if i go on saturdae.lol.i neve past since secondary school i tink.wad a failure!haiz haiz...who cares....i care but,it seems that i care more for other things.soemtimes i juz dun understand,why some ppl no matter how gd my intention was....they will deem it as bad.errhhhh!!!i would want to kick his shitty ass!!sigh again......life is so beautiful...izzit?i suppose so.

ppl...the scariest creatures on earth-me too.

subtle

i hate to offend ppl.no matter wad,i think i m to blame though it might not be all wrong on my part.haiz.....

chance-it remains uncertain
but if u lose it,it will never be back.
somehow we are gd at judging others...but we fail to judge ourselves.things that are nearer to us,we find it harder to judge than that further away from us.closeness may blind us yet many choose to be close.

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pek cek pek cek pek cek..............i can't slp.=(
takut gw....i m so afraid of tml....dih, i dun know wad to do.blj.blj,bosen!arh .....emank there are no other things in life that matter?kangen...kangennn........
the more friends you hav the lonelier u will feel.wher are my soulmates...i seem to lose them.

barcodes=human

apr iL

my feelings for many ppl are ambivalent.past experiences aggravate my situation.each time i look back,i m dissatisfied about the journey that results now.i find myself bein the accumulation of things.big or small,conscious or unconsciously,they pose an influence on me.the journey has to be continued,i like to trace the past.the past looks beautiful in any way.be it a bitter or sweet memories,they seem to follow me as i go on with my life,my best companion in fact.tracing,i hate to find myself not bein able to reminisce the past,though they remain at the back of my subconscious mind.tracin can be tiring,but it often results in me knowing myself better.my act of tracing has yet to teach me more about my relationship with others.up till now i dun really know wad do i mean when i love someone...hate,i might term it as hate but....i dun think any of us deserve to be hated.

=

i think i like wasting time.haiz.....A level,it seems to me that i am not afraid and nervous at all.damn!i look forward to weekend, i hate to wake up early for school.haiz....i m so broke!have been goin out everyweekend.

hm.....sometimes, i lik to be alone.i think of nothing but myself.i feel selfish and guilty.yes,i hav been neglecting some of my friends,and finding them only when i see the need too.i knew probably i hav hurt some of them when i dun wish to, or they can say i can choose not to.choosin, i hate to choose.given a choice, i would want to choose to benefit myself but not others.only when u r selfish,u can protect urself more than others.i cant find balance in things that i do.i dun see the need to have balance.life works other way.wanting is not a choice,is beyond that of a choice.i dun know why i want myself more than others,i dun know when at some point of time,i want others more than myself.

tiny m,e

others enter our life...while some of the others had to leave.my heart has little capacity.

i will try to keep as many.

bedai

i hate to be like like that, yet i choose to
i miss home.

oh!Brothers

i enjoy korean rock and roll at the esplanade.Music has the ability to send us off reality.i dreamt of my friend....how i wished i never had to wake up.

i find myself walking backwards.....loneliness occurs in the crowds.i m addicted.i need others more than myself.

i sYOUee

knowing someone better is learning how to become that someone.

distance obstructs communication
closeness perturbs one's heart
seeing entails a moment of sadness
thinking drives us to madness

How can i describe the kind of friend you are?
It's really hard to know where to start because you are a friend to me in so many different ways.
You are the friend who can tell when i m not fine,evenwhen i say i am,the one who draws me out,not to pry,but because you really care about what i m feeling.
You are the friend who won't hesitate to do something totally goofy just for the sheer pleasure of cracking me up.
You are the friend who remembers the things that i have said.
The one who knows what i worry about and the one i trust with my mostprecious secrets.
You are worth more than a thousand more acquaintances because this adventure call lifewould not be half as fun if i could not share it with you.-linda lee elrod

"""""""

finally my parents gave me an answer.i really anticipate my days in jc to be over.i need a new environment.i want to learn to be myself.i have decided that i m not going to pursue art.art troubles.i hate to think and reflect on things, i m just not prepared or i m just too weak.i want to join the hotel industry,then i may consider taking art again.

=(

happiness i m doubtful.i never knew what it is.i m tired....school sucks.i ought to be stronger...i wish i could.my thought of giving up.i m so afraid.

you will always be my friend because you know too much.

i thought i m the only who feels things differently.SD told me that he too chooses friends as i do.sometimes, the one we really like to be with dun really want to be with us,yet those who try to get close to us seem to be nicer to us.haiz..at times i thought i should juz not friend anyone.but life without friends.......friends?who are my friends?m i someone else friend?why are we friends?things juz got weirder as it goes......haiz i m being rushed again.friends, they need to wait for me.

-.-

this isn't a perfect world and sometimes people learn things the hardway.we do things we can't take back.no matter how hard we try.



i m sorry for causing so much pain
for giving you a reason to doubt how much i care
i m sorry with all my heart
because i do really care-Terry smith

____________

relieved.all i can say.happiness only if it can be shared by many.

open up

i used to think that my act of 'letting go' would show the weak side of me to others.i m determined in the past,i dont give up easily.i believe in doin and makin the best out me.but it seems that i lost too much of that spirits since the start of my jc life.i emphasize the importance of something over another....after reflecting bout my secondary school life,now i find it hard to understand my own decision after entering the college.dropping physics wasn't a simple and impulsive choice of mine.in fact....i do cry over my lost for that subject...though i hate it so much in the past.so many things happened, i thought it is time for me to make another decision again.i suppose i begin to look at things differently.i consoled myself that it is always gd for me to learn how to let go...allowing myself more 'space'.at times,i feel myself suffocating too much that i choose to think more for myself.i can't deny myself being selfish.however i do believe that a self-centred person can be moved by others if sorrounded him the forces were great.i would lik to be the forces of others and i need others too to be the forces that will drive me out of selfishry.but,i realise that it is only possible if i m sincere enough to let others enter.i shall learn to cherish the ppl around me.

numb

i have decide to abandone everything...memories and thoughts that no longer have their values.i ought to learn to control myself and not let others affecting me.i look forward for a new chapter...enough of me embracing the past.i m juz so tired.expectations...i can never find myself in balance with whom i hav much expectations for.it comes to my realisation that i should not expect anything more than wad others can give.

when the heart hurts

i ask myself why i m experiencing that.i get so irritated....i wish i see no one, then i can cry to comfort my own heart.heart,it pumps blood...yet it interferes so much into our feelings and thoughts.my thoughts...why do i hav to think so much when i know it is going to be tough.feelings...i dont like to feel yet i feel more.i find myself resembles that of my heart.havin no heart....i wish i could.then there would not be me.i really hate myself so much that i make life so difficult for myself.life...i dont think mine is pleasant,so i dont feel guilty making it so difficult.i hope for a new life.....i wish and dream for a new life.i see myself fallen into a trap.a trap that i set for myself.

on a balance

i dun know if i makin a rite choice at the moment.i dun care so much bout the consequences.hopefully i wasnt wrong following my heart.

TEARS

when u you feel like giving others happiness and protection...soon we will realised that we need them the most.loving others is because we too need the love from them.

going to school is such a chore.i hate to be alone...yet i wanted to be alone.i just can stand obligations from others, i find myself cheated all the time.i hate seeing others back facing me,while i have to complete the walk on my own.i thought is best to know others better, never would i know that i m so easily affected by them.The feelings others experienced became a reflection of mine.I know others who want to express but something just keeping them back...i wanted to say so much...yet i find it easier to bottle them up.i thought i will be happy by their presence,yet i feel suffocated.i really would want to cry out loud....till i find someone closer to my heart.i am just so reluctant.i knew i would only hurt myself and others again.

leav in

i wonder if i m to die....would anyone remembers my existance...probably they would,only for an instance.everything will be back to normal again.if that is going to happen,i most worried bout my family.i have not done enough for them.till then, i would have realised that how pitiful human beings can be.we come and leave...soon will be forgotten.

...

i m afraid that i mislead others....it just happened.shit...i m screwed.always have mood swings...hating myself and the sorroundings.reflection....i feel sadder as to reflect on myself and my relationship with others.i have no choice....but i juz want to end everything with a beautiful stop...an installation that is aesthically pleasing.

i dreamed a thousand new paths but woke up my old one....

a friend is someone who walks in when the whole world walks out.in a highly competitive and result oriented world,we seem to be drifting away from each other all the time.this is not to say the world is short of amiable individuals,but rather that we have forgotten the ART of maintaining positive camaraderie.in a mad rush to keep up with the fast changing pace of urban living,we FAIL to nurture and care for basic ties of love and warmth that binds us all together.

red dates

new year is comin...i m tired yet excited.i guess i won't be as happy when i m to be back in sgp again.treasuring good times we had is not easy, often, i will take them for granted.now i learned how prcious anything can be....taking art as a subject indeed pose a great challenge for me...self realisation and reflection....those had becomepart of my everyday life.enjoyed talkin to mr lee....human relationship.till now i dun even quite sure wad izzit all about.the journey of life.....the time i spend.....i m still waiting to be taught.

heart

wah lao....damn freaky tired todae.i m slackin again.....got a headache after tokin to yanru online.haiz....i try to blog...but the shitty cconnection obstructs me each time.this is the 1st entry in this year...bad year ahead i think.i m not bein paranoid.in fact i m always optimistic in the past....but life does not seem great as it is.i hate to think bout any consequences.i miss home definitely...my biggestt anticipation is to celebrate the chn new year with my family,only then i will hav my mind settlin down and not to disturb me each time.whenever i think too much into things, i start to get worried...i m stonin and not gettin anything done or i sleep to avoid it.ohh my,......a lvl is comin...still ponders if i m to drop phy.sucks sucks sucks.....i never imagine myself takin this subject.i hate it alot!!!!but i understand that i should not tat things for granted...i learned too much bout how others feel.each time i tell myself that i should be more serious this year...it juz doesn't happen.i neve know how bad i hav become....njc...i thought i can never be happier than to be able to enter the school.now..i hav doubt bout my decision.findin someone to confide wasn't easy.i thanx erick for talkin to me on the phone and not forgettin me.....bennny,janvin,shengde,guan you and khairi too for their friendship.samuel for accompanyin me each time in school and helpin me to cope the torturous school life. and many sweet ppl from band and a01...i m happy to see their smile each time.i m beginnin to feel that i m juz lik the 1st time i came to sgp.i hate the place....i m black each time.i wish that i could juz end my jc life and leave this sickenin place,full of misunderstandin and confusion.rain...i hate the rain....it makes one feel even lonelier.dreams of hope......i cred in my dream...and gettin tense before dreamin.hope...i m juz not aware of wad i m hopin for.