everything seems like it wants to be replayed. I m excited yet disappointed. I know it won't turn out the way it is. I should have given up, given up long ago,but it comes back again..... i just want to be alone, alone so that i would not blame anyone. I dun wish to exploit others which I suppose i have a propensity to do so. I no longer feel comfortable in getting too close to anyone. I m so afraid of closeness. familiarity really breeds contempt. I apologize.

no more tracing for me.
I will miss art block and its atmosphere.
the people, the mess, and the often neglected paintings and other artworks and myspace.....

trace trace trace...some may argue the fact that it involves no skills in creating such a work. I find it otherwise. I realise that in art making, the ability to draw is a basic requirement. drawing has lose its attractiveness. while painting, i think i m still learning how to paint. tracing though seemingly easy might not appear as it is. tracing indeed involves less technical abilities...however it say alot bout my perception of art bein not juz a mere technical paper. juz like the Dadaist believes that everyone can become an artist. art too has reached out its limits of goin beyond a drawing paper and a canvas. the presentation of art and an artist perception of art differ through time. as i always thought it is pointless to tap on a diff task if one can try other alternatives to produce the same effect.in fact, tracing has allow me to accept and consider other media as an exploration. one should not perceive art as whether it is to our dislike or like. being open-minded would expose ourselves to greater acceptance. in life...there is no perfection. i learn to accept any treatment from others, though i might feel oppressed at some point of time. i also realise that the only way to stay happy or unaffected is to believe that at some point of time....no matter wad....there will be people that will treat us equally well as how we treats them.I feel so blessed.blessed with the sweet returns from others.
NJ aep rox!

idlee

i m bad,but who cares...some ppl are juz so bored that i cant stand them for long. i want to be excited and amazed at all times! especially during this period. haiz......i wish everything is over. i want to enjoy life to the fullest....dreams of hope. i m dreaming, dreaming that i could be a successful hotelier. i wanna work in big hotel. then pheng guan could get free membership card haha. OR, may be pheng guan should win toto. den i will have no worries going to cornell if i lik to.

hm... i used to lik to create a surreal landscape, dream-like where i can only see the things that i like.i was dreaming of becoming an architect then.maybe dali and escher are the first few artist i learn to know.their work impressed me.i neve know art exist in such forms.i learn that art could provide a platform for me to generate my likings for great structures.i used to like the ten wonders of the world.most of them are buildings, if i dun remember it wrongly.the time machine somehow also inspired me along the way.
life is beatiful?as i grew up i learn that i live in reality...i face the real sadness and hatred for things.i m so disturb by some things around me.it is no longer surreal.they turned real, somehow they start to disappoint me.it was so complex.surreality enables us to run away from logic.the hatred for rigidness and rules we must obey.juz lik a dream, it happens so coincidentally, without much effort or wanting to dream.creating an artwork may differs, constant struggles is needed to create our dream.dream may not be perceived as real,somehow to you and me it seems to be part of us.we cant deny the fact that our dream has come true...the art work is tangible.it expressed more than what it is-a dreamscape.

lucid dream

i only realise its existence today.30th apriL..time passed...i m grateful to the unknown.can you hear me=))

dreams of hope

we went to singapore biennale openin.mr.lee insisted to gel my hair...not bad though,initially i thought he was makin fun of me.so crappy...he said he can hav another profession haha.there is nothin much to see at the padang, there was a half naked man though.alot of arty ppl were there,artist,angmos....and miss lu.rock music...but not enough to get me high.i like night life...i lik to wonder around till late at night...especially with a group of crazy friends.


friends who are they, i feel that i m losing out in alot of things. my relationship with others, it was bad than i could imagine probably. i m tryin so hard that wadeva ways seem wrong. tired, i m so tired. in life is not about me. i wish it is all bout me. i hate to know ppl that would hurt me. or ppl that would make me hurt myself. i have a bad temper, i m possesive and stubborn. i hate to lose out. i hate ppl looking down at me. i want to prove myself worthy...worthy of myself. i hate ppl who compare me with others. i would like to cherish the presence of others. i would like them to know that they are all special and unique in their own ways. i m too used to hav a big ego. i m sorry if i hav hurt anyone.really sorry. i dun mean to insult anyone. sometimes, the best way is to avoid. only those who understand me deserve my understanding. i suppose everyone deserves....since i hate to choose and make anymore decision. i was reading my journal....i realise how pathetic i m=(