acceptance

i want to go out!i like to shop,i enjoy spending my time talking.staying at home makes me bored.i would choose to slp if i m at home...or listen to radio.i lik to watch tv too.i m so deprived of watching tv.time time time,my time seems to pass faster than i could grab hold of it.i hate to control myself,yet i have too or i m not living in this world,world that only the best will be liked and appreciated.so superficial,yes we are living in this world full of pretences and facade.obligation seems to rule many lives.as much as i dislike obligation,at some point of time i have no choice but to oblige.we oblige because of so many fears,fear of being alone,fear of losin friends,fear of uncertainties ahead etc.for me,i have the fear of myself.the fear of not being able to hav self-control,the fear of losing my self-esteem,the fear of living my life whom i deem as a failure.
i seem to change alot,some are gd yet some are not.i m so confused over the change, i made it happened yet i m so troubled by it.i find myself standin on the fence.i hate being judged by others.to think bout it,i hav never imagined myself bein scolded for things that do not describe me as one.why dun others trust me as i would like to trust them.for this i think i had failed.

menunggu

menunggu hari
menunggu dia
menunggu saya
menunggu........capek ah!
temen ku yang hilang haizzzz

Rust

rustiness.......i should avoid more of this kind.
familiarity breeds contempt.
i read and heard voices.i feel more than others....as if i m hallucinated.

As

i am grateful to those who remember my bdae.

i should avoid thinking too much...thinking......i feel so tired each time.i want a carefree life.A life that only I matters.i hate to let others affect me.I find difficulty controllin my emotions.My absence will be the best medicine..............

heartbeat

i was walking on this lonely path.i promised myself to change for the better.i fell for a flower.yet,i continued my walk....i knew i m right....

i like to think.........i think i suit no one but myself.
used to be.....when you are used to be,you are used.

rap heaL

wahhhhh!!! i lik aristal so much.
i would want to go out...but i have lots of homework this week.damn shit!gp essay....econs..art,haven start any,.....and probability,a sick topic for me.arghhhhh, i have not been doing anything much throughout the week.haiz...so tired.i hav been sleeping too much.....yet i feel even tired.i want to go back...go back.etude is at esplanade.i dun tink i can fake too much now haiz.....hahaha.i wasn't really faking lahhh,is juz that some parts of the songs damn hard lahhh.haiz ,hopefully i can play better for etude this time.yes i think i can lor....but but.still to some ppl i m not tat gd yet.wa laoooo.....bet i need more time and be more serious during each band pract.hahahahaha.and ya come early for band.wah kao...always late...kena fine...but i juz dun wan to pay since i hav cleaned the band roomhaha,or they want me to dance is ok too,since aristal inspires me hahahhahahah.jkin....aaaaaahhhhh cai ah cai...kayanya gua harus rajin dikit deh.sial sial....makin malas aja.ohhh ya......nafa comin lor....haha i will need to attend remedial even if i go on saturdae.lol.i neve past since secondary school i tink.wad a failure!haiz haiz...who cares....i care but,it seems that i care more for other things.soemtimes i juz dun understand,why some ppl no matter how gd my intention was....they will deem it as bad.errhhhh!!!i would want to kick his shitty ass!!sigh again......life is so beautiful...izzit?i suppose so.

ppl...the scariest creatures on earth-me too.

subtle

i hate to offend ppl.no matter wad,i think i m to blame though it might not be all wrong on my part.haiz.....

chance-it remains uncertain
but if u lose it,it will never be back.
somehow we are gd at judging others...but we fail to judge ourselves.things that are nearer to us,we find it harder to judge than that further away from us.closeness may blind us yet many choose to be close.

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pek cek pek cek pek cek..............i can't slp.=(
takut gw....i m so afraid of tml....dih, i dun know wad to do.blj.blj,bosen!arh .....emank there are no other things in life that matter?kangen...kangennn........
the more friends you hav the lonelier u will feel.wher are my soulmates...i seem to lose them.

barcodes=human

apr iL

my feelings for many ppl are ambivalent.past experiences aggravate my situation.each time i look back,i m dissatisfied about the journey that results now.i find myself bein the accumulation of things.big or small,conscious or unconsciously,they pose an influence on me.the journey has to be continued,i like to trace the past.the past looks beautiful in any way.be it a bitter or sweet memories,they seem to follow me as i go on with my life,my best companion in fact.tracing,i hate to find myself not bein able to reminisce the past,though they remain at the back of my subconscious mind.tracin can be tiring,but it often results in me knowing myself better.my act of tracing has yet to teach me more about my relationship with others.up till now i dun really know wad do i mean when i love someone...hate,i might term it as hate but....i dun think any of us deserve to be hated.

=

i think i like wasting time.haiz.....A level,it seems to me that i am not afraid and nervous at all.damn!i look forward to weekend, i hate to wake up early for school.haiz....i m so broke!have been goin out everyweekend.

hm.....sometimes, i lik to be alone.i think of nothing but myself.i feel selfish and guilty.yes,i hav been neglecting some of my friends,and finding them only when i see the need too.i knew probably i hav hurt some of them when i dun wish to, or they can say i can choose not to.choosin, i hate to choose.given a choice, i would want to choose to benefit myself but not others.only when u r selfish,u can protect urself more than others.i cant find balance in things that i do.i dun see the need to have balance.life works other way.wanting is not a choice,is beyond that of a choice.i dun know why i want myself more than others,i dun know when at some point of time,i want others more than myself.