heart

wah lao....damn freaky tired todae.i m slackin again.....got a headache after tokin to yanru online.haiz....i try to blog...but the shitty cconnection obstructs me each time.this is the 1st entry in this year...bad year ahead i think.i m not bein paranoid.in fact i m always optimistic in the past....but life does not seem great as it is.i hate to think bout any consequences.i miss home definitely...my biggestt anticipation is to celebrate the chn new year with my family,only then i will hav my mind settlin down and not to disturb me each time.whenever i think too much into things, i start to get worried...i m stonin and not gettin anything done or i sleep to avoid it.ohh my,......a lvl is comin...still ponders if i m to drop phy.sucks sucks sucks.....i never imagine myself takin this subject.i hate it alot!!!!but i understand that i should not tat things for granted...i learned too much bout how others feel.each time i tell myself that i should be more serious this year...it juz doesn't happen.i neve know how bad i hav become....njc...i thought i can never be happier than to be able to enter the school.now..i hav doubt bout my decision.findin someone to confide wasn't easy.i thanx erick for talkin to me on the phone and not forgettin me.....bennny,janvin,shengde,guan you and khairi too for their friendship.samuel for accompanyin me each time in school and helpin me to cope the torturous school life. and many sweet ppl from band and a01...i m happy to see their smile each time.i m beginnin to feel that i m juz lik the 1st time i came to sgp.i hate the place....i m black each time.i wish that i could juz end my jc life and leave this sickenin place,full of misunderstandin and confusion.rain...i hate the rain....it makes one feel even lonelier.dreams of hope......i cred in my dream...and gettin tense before dreamin.hope...i m juz not aware of wad i m hopin for.