open up

i used to think that my act of 'letting go' would show the weak side of me to others.i m determined in the past,i dont give up easily.i believe in doin and makin the best out me.but it seems that i lost too much of that spirits since the start of my jc life.i emphasize the importance of something over another....after reflecting bout my secondary school life,now i find it hard to understand my own decision after entering the college.dropping physics wasn't a simple and impulsive choice of mine.in fact....i do cry over my lost for that subject...though i hate it so much in the past.so many things happened, i thought it is time for me to make another decision again.i suppose i begin to look at things differently.i consoled myself that it is always gd for me to learn how to let go...allowing myself more 'space'.at times,i feel myself suffocating too much that i choose to think more for myself.i can't deny myself being selfish.however i do believe that a self-centred person can be moved by others if sorrounded him the forces were great.i would lik to be the forces of others and i need others too to be the forces that will drive me out of selfishry.but,i realise that it is only possible if i m sincere enough to let others enter.i shall learn to cherish the ppl around me.

numb

i have decide to abandone everything...memories and thoughts that no longer have their values.i ought to learn to control myself and not let others affecting me.i look forward for a new chapter...enough of me embracing the past.i m juz so tired.expectations...i can never find myself in balance with whom i hav much expectations for.it comes to my realisation that i should not expect anything more than wad others can give.

when the heart hurts

i ask myself why i m experiencing that.i get so irritated....i wish i see no one, then i can cry to comfort my own heart.heart,it pumps blood...yet it interferes so much into our feelings and thoughts.my thoughts...why do i hav to think so much when i know it is going to be tough.feelings...i dont like to feel yet i feel more.i find myself resembles that of my heart.havin no heart....i wish i could.then there would not be me.i really hate myself so much that i make life so difficult for myself.life...i dont think mine is pleasant,so i dont feel guilty making it so difficult.i hope for a new life.....i wish and dream for a new life.i see myself fallen into a trap.a trap that i set for myself.

on a balance

i dun know if i makin a rite choice at the moment.i dun care so much bout the consequences.hopefully i wasnt wrong following my heart.

TEARS

when u you feel like giving others happiness and protection...soon we will realised that we need them the most.loving others is because we too need the love from them.

going to school is such a chore.i hate to be alone...yet i wanted to be alone.i just can stand obligations from others, i find myself cheated all the time.i hate seeing others back facing me,while i have to complete the walk on my own.i thought is best to know others better, never would i know that i m so easily affected by them.The feelings others experienced became a reflection of mine.I know others who want to express but something just keeping them back...i wanted to say so much...yet i find it easier to bottle them up.i thought i will be happy by their presence,yet i feel suffocated.i really would want to cry out loud....till i find someone closer to my heart.i am just so reluctant.i knew i would only hurt myself and others again.