Inside my heart

I really want to know what is inside my heart. I cant even take a proper nap like i used too. Fucking fidelio exam, i thought it will be gd for me. Right now, i m so damnnn pissed and I have accounting tml. frankly I simply lost all the motivation, but tml will be the last exam of this whole semesterrrrr...last exammmm. I do hope anyone is capable of cheering me up at this moment of time. whats wrong with all those ppl, why cant they juz leave me alone, i m seriously sick, sick to the extent that no medicine could heal. I m really afraid tat this is the after effect, and it may continues. I feel so uncertain and anxious, anxious like shit? why, i dun even know the reason. fuck me!!!!

Hot Kitchen

I really really enjoyed working with chef Christen, he is an extraordinary guy who never fails to make his lesson interesting. Cooking in the market place kitchen with him is really fun. Here are some of his favourite quotes.... diu lei lou mou

nap sap kia, since he works for SIA before, he knows a little hokkien, chinese and cantonese as well.
bu zhi dao
penny from ur dirty chef jacket I know the menu from yesterday.
the spice girls and ditsy chicks...he calls the girls in our group
ohhhh the soup is so tasty, better than sex lol
u better know how to whisk, especially guys and do it the right way or u will get cramps
u chief! tell the girl who watches another frying the potato to cut the vegetables...haha, refering to carina
I need to go home quick, I m sick of the class, my mum is waiting for me at home
As future managers......

well he is naggy and hot temper at times, he gets pissed easily and talks like witches, His high pitched voice can be annoying but all I feel he is a lovable chef. Chef Christen you rox, diu lei lou mo...wahahaha.

bother bothers me

I simply dun understand a shit, again and again. It repeats again and again. wad the hell. How could someone be that stubborn.

CARACOL.... CHOCORAMA

From Caracol to Chocorama, the past 3 academic ended. I was relieved, finally realising that its all over, hell yeahh over...yo yo... I miss caracol and my teammates. I seriously think that we have done a splendid job on our culinary theory project. Our imaginary french and spanish inspired restaurant caracol and its fabulous kitchen plan that is almost perfect as claimed hehe. I am happy, more than happy. The marks arent out yet, but I m pleased after all after all the presentations from the rest of the group. In short, we kicked the asses of pura vida, our strong competitor, from menu design to the presentation itself. Chocorama did well too, this time sanjay and I are in the same group. hehe no more battle and mind games for pura vida and caracol, so the journey to chocorama begins, well we thought we probably spent the least time for this bullshit Organisational Behaviours aka Ob project, surprisingly, this bullshit crap about charismatic leader turns out superb. Chocolate making and chocorama made us believed that we will sure to score form 95 to 100 haha. Our field trip sure added few marks more, so is beyond hundred??? hmhm... well cultural nite was a biullshit piece of crap, i spent like more than hours for that less than a minute speech. Well still it wasnt a disappointment when the chinese won first for the performance category. wads wrong with the school, the viets shall win the stand or they will '' du mei '' all of you especially the teachers. Time passed so quick, in 4 weeks time i will start missing my classmates especially those who had struggled hard with me to fight for every grades we deserved. I m starting to miss them now. The life in les roches is really unique, I will never experience such a life again. A close battle btween friends and classmates, emotional struggles and crazy partying. Well life in swiss, I will be having my internship in school, la sala fought so hard for me that he physically abused himself lol only sophia and sanjay knows wad i m talking bout. So I think i wun disappoint him and myself. I really wished that in this split moment I m back in management writing my blog. Life is precious, the earthquake in china and the so called bad year for me makes me realise the fragility of life itself. I begin to feel every moment of uncertainty and guilt. Really, no one knows wad I m feeling rite now. I m guilty because i feel i should have contributed more to those who live in this part of the world. I feel guilty because i knew one day there wouldnt be such a chance since we will all be apart. Distance makes me wonder.

In love

I know I have probably hurt someone I dun wish to hurt. I know we are both sincere and I know I just cant bear losing another person. Whats wrong with school, It seems that I am stresser than ever. Projects, projects and tests. I hope I will receive good news from the school and I really hope everyone around me is happy as I strive to be. I love myself but I think I love someone even more. The feeling is really weird, I miss her presence more than ever and hope she thinks likewise.

000000000

I feel that the spaces between me have narrowed down to the extent that I feel so suffocated and rather stress for some reasons. Even the internet itself has turned me down to a certain extent that I have no place to surf, or in fact i dun feel lik surfing. Listening to songs is probably the most relaxing activity. Today is rather a pissed off day for me, what the hell! I cant stand my group ppl whenever they pop up some stupid question which I refuse to answer, come on, I cant cook and respond to them at the same time while it is an exam which I think is rather important. Anyway, those sickly attitude from others will repeat again and again. I wonder if I am really stupid or just being too approachable, well but I really love them and yeahh they do derserve my love, however, why am I so pissed then? I really dun get it. Time to time I will be struggling again and again for tests, tml will be my room division test which I skipped 5 weeks ago.forget about the interview at meritus mandarin, I was disturbed because for the first time I felt so stupid and was forced to have a conversation with stupid ppl, I really think both of them wasnt smart at all. Ok forget bout that, I will get the response soon, but really wishing for the opportunity from the Regent beijing. passing out!

arrrrrrrrrhhhhhhhhhhh pst!

mess a mess is a total mess. I want to get organized and continue with my usual life.

20 hours journey including transit time I am back in swiss again. To all my friends sorry for not informing about my arrival and departure. Well this time I am back here with more stress I feel. I have to catch up 2 weeks of lesson missed and the tests are coming up this week. Damnnn, this year werent a gd year I suppose. I am still worried about my family. Those who are sick and arent sick. I hate to say, I cant live freely, I felt there is a persistence burden drowning me down. lets see how this week goes, I created distance as distance. It was blue, white and bright pink. I wonder if we are dating.

(- _ - )'''

i dun really like the feeling of being in love, though we are already together. hope we will last.....................................................................................................................................................

quelquefois

sometimes I juz wanted to live alone, life will be much better without any responsibilities, expectations and loves. I wanted to say that I am tired of taking care of myself and at the same time worrying for others. Nothing is more depressing than worrying about someone you love, care and treasure the most. I cant believe my life without hers cause I know I owe her my life.

test test test

I have expectation for myself and others. I find it hard to keep up with them.

a sudden stagnation engulfs

I m back to the state of art making. I was bored today, and I was lazy to start studying for my tests. I took a pencil, searched for the right picture and started drawing. When it was completed, I m fairly satisfied.

best treat for new year

goin to zurich tml, sanjay, sophia, me, amy and gipt. we are renting a car to drive north east from sierre. I m excited!

I think I lost you as I go along I lost myself. I am frustrated, frustrated as this goes on and on.

snow snow and snow

The weather is really bad, I mean, even in my room I can feel the freeze coming through the closed window pane of mine. Yesterday, I went to shopping trip to lausanne with gip and noon. I like lausanne, and shopping at Zara is definitely awesome. I bought a bag though I already have 3. hmmm....I really dont know wad I am doing, probably the sales make me go crazy. I dont know why, recently I m fond of buying neck ties and shoes. I should have felt guilty, but well I think I need those stuffs to pamper myself to make my life happier. It was really sweet, yeahh I dont want to gain weight, but it seems like I m putting on more weight without me realising it. 2 more weeks and various tests will be comin up, it is time to wake up and studyhard. I do hope so. well I dont miss anyone more than myself.

So one moment I was thinking of another thing and another moment I am back here...in front of my laptop screen reflecting wad should I post in my blog. This would be my first 08 blog of the year...yeahhh I m back in bluche and the life in bluche hasnt changed much. hmmm, another half a year or probably another year for me to be back in indo again. The feeling of being at home is simply fantastic and heart warming, yet yet, I have something to complain bout. In bluche, I live on my own, I lead my own life as if my life belongs only to myself, sometimes I do peek into others life and begin to interfere into things that i shouldnt. How stupid izzit? haizzz... in indo is another different matter, I stayed at home almost every single day, I was so tired of caring or looking too much into my family. Family matters, well I cant deny the fact tat it can be quite tiring if it matters tat much. hmmm... probably it is true, as people gets older they tend to prefer and even requests for their rightful freedom, the freedom to be alone would be one. Being alone may appear to others as pathetic, but at one point of time it is an act of honour, I admire those who really can stand alone despite the crowds sorrounding them.


I think I m amazing, I actually arranged all the flowers that decorate our restaurant, I spent almost a week arranging flowers, I swear I would not like being a florist, it was really tiring, to an extent tat i almost fall sick...hey hey, another thing tat might be quite an achievement for me is tat i have gotten two more artwork framed and hanged in our restaurant. One of it titled windows of despair.

life makes life harder

I have strong personality, I believe whatever I do is right. I hate to obey others even my parents. Tomorrow I will be going back to spore, I feel happy do I? well, not as anxious as 2 or 3 weeks ago. Internship is over, hell yeah is over!!! My mum was telling me to go back straight home on saturday morning when I arrived on friday night. It means I wouldnt have the time to meet up with some of my friends in spore. Everything doesnt go as it was planned. Damn.. I m really seriously tired, despite the fact that there is no more physical burden waiting for me. I m tired, tired of leading my life. I need some time to be alone, so probably going back to indonesia straight will be the best choice. Still I am swearing non stop...... I went back to school this morning and it was indeed a hell freaking tiring journey, see i can even here my roommate snooring, he doesnt do so often. Maru is sincere of sending me to the airport tomorrow, but seriously I prefer to go alone. I said goodbye to many others I met in La Reserve. I will miss all my teammates even though they once pissed me off. I will miss Agustian for bein lik an elder brother who never stops nagging at whatever I do, despite I still think I did a better job than he does. And I will miss leon who always grumbled at me and saying ' your face like shit!!!' all time, he is probably beacoming one of my best friend, well the f n b manager thinks otherwise. I will miss Sam for being my descendent who always tolerate my nonsense and abiding my instructions and finally I will miss all my chef de rangs. Simon for being rather gay and sweet, virginie-being the kindest woman I ever meet in life, Carine for calling me apricot, Romaric- my imaginary father, he calls me my son, christophe- being the funniest among the waiters who claimed that we are his only friends, mr vincent- my manager, who laughs at me for being two hours late due to over napping, jean luke- my '' best friend " at work, Sylvain- his young at heart never fails to bring smiles for me and many many more which i couldnt think of for the moment. Good bye to La Reserve and good bye to my last night and last post on my blog from switzerland and good bye to Geneva, a place which I dont intend to stay any longer haha. Now I am feeling sliughtly better. Like a friend once told me, internship life is a cup of coffee, rather I would say is more like a cup of expresso,I prefer expresso. Shortly and strongly brewed which bring a little bit of bitterness. It is time for me to enjoy the cup of expresso that I had made for myself. Likewise, it is always the perfect moment to be away from reality, moving against the direction of the train, looking at the outside scenery, light-heartedly thinking about what I should do as an art- the art of life.

happy belated bdae!!!

benny, I do hope that you are reading my blog. I juz came back from work and I realised that your Bdae has juz passed bout half an hour agao swiss time. Well, hope u will enjoy the outing with janvin and shengde. By the way, long time I have not heard from you, so hope that you are still doing your best in army while I m struggling hard to complete my internship. Sorry, no gift this year haha. hey, will I receive any belated bdae present from you?? anyway I dun remember you sending me any bdae msg?! do you?? haha well, is your bdae, I hope you will have never ending happiness, juz lik our friendship haha=) cya soon, miss you! haizzzz... I think You might not get as many present as last year haha since I m not around=P

third october

well I have not been updating my blog for more than a month. Whatever the reasons are. hm... I have 2 months more to complete my internship at la reserve, well I cannot imagine myself udertaking all the stupid tasks. stupid as it seems maybe I have learned more than becoming more stupid. In workplace I meet two very good friends who are also struggling like me to finish our internship in a 5 star honourable hotel in geneva. 5 star with a 1 star service as what we would always argue. But the fact is the name La reserve still regarded as one of the best leading hotels of the world and being member of design hotels added its attractiveness. The management system adopted by this hotel doubts me right from the start but as time passed, I realised that the few managers have actually done their best to uphold the hotel reputation as one of the best hotels in geneve. Studying hotel management is easy but to run a hotel itself is crazy. Managing and leading people is still the most difficult task to achieve. Right now, I am in deep thought of how successful one can be as a good motivator. Reducing inconsistency in a hotel environment is probably the best goal that hotels should aim for, be it a small or large chain. oh I miss going back to school attending hospitality classes.

updating!

yesterday night i was back in montana with lj. I was so afraid tat I couldnt slp well and would not hav enough rest. In fact, yes.... I went to bed at around 2 plus yet finding myself awake still at bout 6. wad the hell.......I was thinking, probably I slept more than 12 hours the night before. I m back in geneva again....and have to go back to work tml. huh...how shitty life can be. Each morning I hav to dread myself out of my bed.....and drag my feet to work. Physically and emotionally tiring. There is not much sense of satisfaction only until the night when i told myslelf that another day has passed. Life of a runner is indeed a struggle....a struggle that i promise not to repeat it again. I have to be strong and tell myself that there is only 3 more months to go....3 more months!!!!! hope I would survive through the end. The job bores me day to day. Talking to best friends online is still the sweetest moment I treasured. I hate to get sick so please let me be healthy=(