tiny m,e

others enter our life...while some of the others had to leave.my heart has little capacity.

i will try to keep as many.

bedai

i hate to be like like that, yet i choose to
i miss home.

oh!Brothers

i enjoy korean rock and roll at the esplanade.Music has the ability to send us off reality.i dreamt of my friend....how i wished i never had to wake up.

i find myself walking backwards.....loneliness occurs in the crowds.i m addicted.i need others more than myself.

i sYOUee

knowing someone better is learning how to become that someone.

distance obstructs communication
closeness perturbs one's heart
seeing entails a moment of sadness
thinking drives us to madness

How can i describe the kind of friend you are?
It's really hard to know where to start because you are a friend to me in so many different ways.
You are the friend who can tell when i m not fine,evenwhen i say i am,the one who draws me out,not to pry,but because you really care about what i m feeling.
You are the friend who won't hesitate to do something totally goofy just for the sheer pleasure of cracking me up.
You are the friend who remembers the things that i have said.
The one who knows what i worry about and the one i trust with my mostprecious secrets.
You are worth more than a thousand more acquaintances because this adventure call lifewould not be half as fun if i could not share it with you.-linda lee elrod

"""""""

finally my parents gave me an answer.i really anticipate my days in jc to be over.i need a new environment.i want to learn to be myself.i have decided that i m not going to pursue art.art troubles.i hate to think and reflect on things, i m just not prepared or i m just too weak.i want to join the hotel industry,then i may consider taking art again.

=(

happiness i m doubtful.i never knew what it is.i m tired....school sucks.i ought to be stronger...i wish i could.my thought of giving up.i m so afraid.

you will always be my friend because you know too much.

i thought i m the only who feels things differently.SD told me that he too chooses friends as i do.sometimes, the one we really like to be with dun really want to be with us,yet those who try to get close to us seem to be nicer to us.haiz..at times i thought i should juz not friend anyone.but life without friends.......friends?who are my friends?m i someone else friend?why are we friends?things juz got weirder as it goes......haiz i m being rushed again.friends, they need to wait for me.

-.-

this isn't a perfect world and sometimes people learn things the hardway.we do things we can't take back.no matter how hard we try.



i m sorry for causing so much pain
for giving you a reason to doubt how much i care
i m sorry with all my heart
because i do really care-Terry smith

____________

relieved.all i can say.happiness only if it can be shared by many.

open up

i used to think that my act of 'letting go' would show the weak side of me to others.i m determined in the past,i dont give up easily.i believe in doin and makin the best out me.but it seems that i lost too much of that spirits since the start of my jc life.i emphasize the importance of something over another....after reflecting bout my secondary school life,now i find it hard to understand my own decision after entering the college.dropping physics wasn't a simple and impulsive choice of mine.in fact....i do cry over my lost for that subject...though i hate it so much in the past.so many things happened, i thought it is time for me to make another decision again.i suppose i begin to look at things differently.i consoled myself that it is always gd for me to learn how to let go...allowing myself more 'space'.at times,i feel myself suffocating too much that i choose to think more for myself.i can't deny myself being selfish.however i do believe that a self-centred person can be moved by others if sorrounded him the forces were great.i would lik to be the forces of others and i need others too to be the forces that will drive me out of selfishry.but,i realise that it is only possible if i m sincere enough to let others enter.i shall learn to cherish the ppl around me.

numb

i have decide to abandone everything...memories and thoughts that no longer have their values.i ought to learn to control myself and not let others affecting me.i look forward for a new chapter...enough of me embracing the past.i m juz so tired.expectations...i can never find myself in balance with whom i hav much expectations for.it comes to my realisation that i should not expect anything more than wad others can give.

when the heart hurts

i ask myself why i m experiencing that.i get so irritated....i wish i see no one, then i can cry to comfort my own heart.heart,it pumps blood...yet it interferes so much into our feelings and thoughts.my thoughts...why do i hav to think so much when i know it is going to be tough.feelings...i dont like to feel yet i feel more.i find myself resembles that of my heart.havin no heart....i wish i could.then there would not be me.i really hate myself so much that i make life so difficult for myself.life...i dont think mine is pleasant,so i dont feel guilty making it so difficult.i hope for a new life.....i wish and dream for a new life.i see myself fallen into a trap.a trap that i set for myself.

on a balance

i dun know if i makin a rite choice at the moment.i dun care so much bout the consequences.hopefully i wasnt wrong following my heart.

TEARS

when u you feel like giving others happiness and protection...soon we will realised that we need them the most.loving others is because we too need the love from them.

going to school is such a chore.i hate to be alone...yet i wanted to be alone.i just can stand obligations from others, i find myself cheated all the time.i hate seeing others back facing me,while i have to complete the walk on my own.i thought is best to know others better, never would i know that i m so easily affected by them.The feelings others experienced became a reflection of mine.I know others who want to express but something just keeping them back...i wanted to say so much...yet i find it easier to bottle them up.i thought i will be happy by their presence,yet i feel suffocated.i really would want to cry out loud....till i find someone closer to my heart.i am just so reluctant.i knew i would only hurt myself and others again.

leav in

i wonder if i m to die....would anyone remembers my existance...probably they would,only for an instance.everything will be back to normal again.if that is going to happen,i most worried bout my family.i have not done enough for them.till then, i would have realised that how pitiful human beings can be.we come and leave...soon will be forgotten.

...

i m afraid that i mislead others....it just happened.shit...i m screwed.always have mood swings...hating myself and the sorroundings.reflection....i feel sadder as to reflect on myself and my relationship with others.i have no choice....but i juz want to end everything with a beautiful stop...an installation that is aesthically pleasing.

i dreamed a thousand new paths but woke up my old one....

a friend is someone who walks in when the whole world walks out.in a highly competitive and result oriented world,we seem to be drifting away from each other all the time.this is not to say the world is short of amiable individuals,but rather that we have forgotten the ART of maintaining positive camaraderie.in a mad rush to keep up with the fast changing pace of urban living,we FAIL to nurture and care for basic ties of love and warmth that binds us all together.

red dates

new year is comin...i m tired yet excited.i guess i won't be as happy when i m to be back in sgp again.treasuring good times we had is not easy, often, i will take them for granted.now i learned how prcious anything can be....taking art as a subject indeed pose a great challenge for me...self realisation and reflection....those had becomepart of my everyday life.enjoyed talkin to mr lee....human relationship.till now i dun even quite sure wad izzit all about.the journey of life.....the time i spend.....i m still waiting to be taught.

heart

wah lao....damn freaky tired todae.i m slackin again.....got a headache after tokin to yanru online.haiz....i try to blog...but the shitty cconnection obstructs me each time.this is the 1st entry in this year...bad year ahead i think.i m not bein paranoid.in fact i m always optimistic in the past....but life does not seem great as it is.i hate to think bout any consequences.i miss home definitely...my biggestt anticipation is to celebrate the chn new year with my family,only then i will hav my mind settlin down and not to disturb me each time.whenever i think too much into things, i start to get worried...i m stonin and not gettin anything done or i sleep to avoid it.ohh my,......a lvl is comin...still ponders if i m to drop phy.sucks sucks sucks.....i never imagine myself takin this subject.i hate it alot!!!!but i understand that i should not tat things for granted...i learned too much bout how others feel.each time i tell myself that i should be more serious this year...it juz doesn't happen.i neve know how bad i hav become....njc...i thought i can never be happier than to be able to enter the school.now..i hav doubt bout my decision.findin someone to confide wasn't easy.i thanx erick for talkin to me on the phone and not forgettin me.....bennny,janvin,shengde,guan you and khairi too for their friendship.samuel for accompanyin me each time in school and helpin me to cope the torturous school life. and many sweet ppl from band and a01...i m happy to see their smile each time.i m beginnin to feel that i m juz lik the 1st time i came to sgp.i hate the place....i m black each time.i wish that i could juz end my jc life and leave this sickenin place,full of misunderstandin and confusion.rain...i hate the rain....it makes one feel even lonelier.dreams of hope......i cred in my dream...and gettin tense before dreamin.hope...i m juz not aware of wad i m hopin for.