As usual

Gosh, I have lost it all. In a state of confusion, disturbance and numbness. I heed towards something that meant to be a stepping stone. Others might have thought otherwise, I have embraced it, and will continue to work towards that "self-assurance" that I am on the right path. I have always been positive, and wanted to continue with the same mindset. Coming back to Singapore is such a painful choice,.... but yet an insurance to someone closer. It seems that I have planned my life, as thorough as I can. I have promised her, and told her that I will be by her side someday, but that kind of assurance seems fleeting and unimaginable. Your birthday is coming, yet I couldn't even thought of a simple surprise to please you, at this moment, I wish to be by your side, whispering gently, "goodnight lao bo!"

tipsy??

I drunk half a bottle of wine left from the fondue gathering with friends. My head starts hurting for a bit. the second day has passed without her. thinking to write her a letter to say how I have missed her. She once told me that I must write to her every single day, even though she may not be online to talk to me. Hmmm.. I told her, it wasnt fair at all, cause she haven written one yet. Today, I have packed our cupboard and refolded every single clothes of hers and me. Sometimes I thought I can be a perfect househusband, I cook, I clean and I wash the clothes.....Tomorrow will be the shelves and books!

Not once a year

Hmmm, I am back, yeahh back on the net. I have to spend my vacation here, almost alone, but I am happy, happy and more than delighted to be alone. She has left, no doubt I am missing her, but the freedom to be alone is far greater than the "miss". Bad, I suppose, but well I am satisfied with the choice of not goin back. I like my little studio, my decorations, pictures on the wall, my small kitchen - almost well equipped with everything I need, my nespresso machine ( we have decided to purchase it as a Christmas Gift ) now, less craving or more craving for starbucks?? I werent sure. Time to time, I was thinking, on the train back from munich, how fortunate am I, or less?? I wonder, my life now is almost perfect and beautiful, no strive for perfection, no obsession to be rich. I love life for what it is, I pray, I hope but eventually, I knew I would lose it again and restart a new. I have watched the hours, for more than 3 times, seems crazy, apart from my assignment, I enjoyed the movie, "mrs dalloway said she will buy the flowers herself" poignant, sad, touching and well crafted. benny once told me, "apri you must watch the hours, a story about three women in a day" only if I would head his advice, then I would probably be less insane. But I admire Julianne Moore more than anyone else, the dialogue at the train station, is worth noting. Time to read the book I guess, Mrs Puhr told me, perhaps I didnt find the right book. I do take that positively, I appreciate reading in the midst of bizarre schedules and workload but now??? haha I prefer laying on the bed, peeping through the small window.

To my friend, she hasnt accept me since then, well I miss, and think about her quite often. She might think that I dont deserve, I was sentenced for what she thinks I dun deserve. My heart hurts, a little, my head finds the answer, but the good bye wasnt a thoughtful msg after all. Through this small window, you may be misunderstood, or I may be understood. After all only the heart cares and only you know if that is what I deserved.

It has been a year since my rants come back again, and again. Tell you what, I have been to Prague, one of my favourite destination, better than Paris. Though laobo would argue otherwise. Anyway, yeah we still argue and quarrel and throw things when we need. Have been missing home lately, I lost my phone, and I m so lazy that I dun really bother finding it. Projects after projects and the assignments, sometimes it really pissed me off .........she stares at me. Its time to sleep I guess. Bad laobo, but still loves you no matter how naughty you are hehe.

I guess my internship in school is really enjoyable, even better than the previous one. Other than the messed up politics within the teaching board, students are really adorable and fun to teach. live is wonderful i guess.... yes it should.

For a second of thought, I guess where she is going, and for another second I m wondering if she misses me. She is gone , forever and I will never ever get the chance to meet her again. I broke down to tears, couldnt control my emotion. yet I have to face the reality of life. I think I m becoming stronger and stronger, yet I feel I am becoming less human. I regret that i couldnt do much, much for my beloved grandma that loves me the most.

being reasonable

hm... i think i really enjoy teaching, i think i suit being a teacher. Working is tired as usual, counting down to have my schedules swop.

Even writing my blog requires so much momentum. damnnn... i lost.

it has been a long time since my last post. Anyway, i dun know wad life i m living now, for the past 20 days, i think i have not been doin anything productive besides my regular 100 sits up per day. damnnn i m so worried tat i might turn into a pig, cause i sleep and eat sleep and eat and sit and sit. i have been trying to send my cvs so that people may consider hiring me as part timer, seeking for job really takes a lot of effort, being rejected for wadeva reason is worst. hmmm, i really wish my internship in school starts asap. damnnn, the time i have been rotting here is so precious, damnnn... wad a choice. staying with lj for a month does nothin good besides testing our temper of tolerating one another. from the start i predicted tat, hmmm, i dun know if i m the one at fault. anyway her temper does piss me off.....hmmm...but still i dun know why, the opposite attracts, we claimed to be so different yet we chose to be together.

Inside my heart

I really want to know what is inside my heart. I cant even take a proper nap like i used too. Fucking fidelio exam, i thought it will be gd for me. Right now, i m so damnnn pissed and I have accounting tml. frankly I simply lost all the motivation, but tml will be the last exam of this whole semesterrrrr...last exammmm. I do hope anyone is capable of cheering me up at this moment of time. whats wrong with all those ppl, why cant they juz leave me alone, i m seriously sick, sick to the extent that no medicine could heal. I m really afraid tat this is the after effect, and it may continues. I feel so uncertain and anxious, anxious like shit? why, i dun even know the reason. fuck me!!!!

Hot Kitchen

I really really enjoyed working with chef Christen, he is an extraordinary guy who never fails to make his lesson interesting. Cooking in the market place kitchen with him is really fun. Here are some of his favourite quotes.... diu lei lou mou

nap sap kia, since he works for SIA before, he knows a little hokkien, chinese and cantonese as well.
bu zhi dao
penny from ur dirty chef jacket I know the menu from yesterday.
the spice girls and ditsy chicks...he calls the girls in our group
ohhhh the soup is so tasty, better than sex lol
u better know how to whisk, especially guys and do it the right way or u will get cramps
u chief! tell the girl who watches another frying the potato to cut the vegetables...haha, refering to carina
I need to go home quick, I m sick of the class, my mum is waiting for me at home
As future managers......

well he is naggy and hot temper at times, he gets pissed easily and talks like witches, His high pitched voice can be annoying but all I feel he is a lovable chef. Chef Christen you rox, diu lei lou mo...wahahaha.

bother bothers me

I simply dun understand a shit, again and again. It repeats again and again. wad the hell. How could someone be that stubborn.

CARACOL.... CHOCORAMA

From Caracol to Chocorama, the past 3 academic ended. I was relieved, finally realising that its all over, hell yeahh over...yo yo... I miss caracol and my teammates. I seriously think that we have done a splendid job on our culinary theory project. Our imaginary french and spanish inspired restaurant caracol and its fabulous kitchen plan that is almost perfect as claimed hehe. I am happy, more than happy. The marks arent out yet, but I m pleased after all after all the presentations from the rest of the group. In short, we kicked the asses of pura vida, our strong competitor, from menu design to the presentation itself. Chocorama did well too, this time sanjay and I are in the same group. hehe no more battle and mind games for pura vida and caracol, so the journey to chocorama begins, well we thought we probably spent the least time for this bullshit Organisational Behaviours aka Ob project, surprisingly, this bullshit crap about charismatic leader turns out superb. Chocolate making and chocorama made us believed that we will sure to score form 95 to 100 haha. Our field trip sure added few marks more, so is beyond hundred??? hmhm... well cultural nite was a biullshit piece of crap, i spent like more than hours for that less than a minute speech. Well still it wasnt a disappointment when the chinese won first for the performance category. wads wrong with the school, the viets shall win the stand or they will '' du mei '' all of you especially the teachers. Time passed so quick, in 4 weeks time i will start missing my classmates especially those who had struggled hard with me to fight for every grades we deserved. I m starting to miss them now. The life in les roches is really unique, I will never experience such a life again. A close battle btween friends and classmates, emotional struggles and crazy partying. Well life in swiss, I will be having my internship in school, la sala fought so hard for me that he physically abused himself lol only sophia and sanjay knows wad i m talking bout. So I think i wun disappoint him and myself. I really wished that in this split moment I m back in management writing my blog. Life is precious, the earthquake in china and the so called bad year for me makes me realise the fragility of life itself. I begin to feel every moment of uncertainty and guilt. Really, no one knows wad I m feeling rite now. I m guilty because i feel i should have contributed more to those who live in this part of the world. I feel guilty because i knew one day there wouldnt be such a chance since we will all be apart. Distance makes me wonder.

In love

I know I have probably hurt someone I dun wish to hurt. I know we are both sincere and I know I just cant bear losing another person. Whats wrong with school, It seems that I am stresser than ever. Projects, projects and tests. I hope I will receive good news from the school and I really hope everyone around me is happy as I strive to be. I love myself but I think I love someone even more. The feeling is really weird, I miss her presence more than ever and hope she thinks likewise.

000000000

I feel that the spaces between me have narrowed down to the extent that I feel so suffocated and rather stress for some reasons. Even the internet itself has turned me down to a certain extent that I have no place to surf, or in fact i dun feel lik surfing. Listening to songs is probably the most relaxing activity. Today is rather a pissed off day for me, what the hell! I cant stand my group ppl whenever they pop up some stupid question which I refuse to answer, come on, I cant cook and respond to them at the same time while it is an exam which I think is rather important. Anyway, those sickly attitude from others will repeat again and again. I wonder if I am really stupid or just being too approachable, well but I really love them and yeahh they do derserve my love, however, why am I so pissed then? I really dun get it. Time to time I will be struggling again and again for tests, tml will be my room division test which I skipped 5 weeks ago.forget about the interview at meritus mandarin, I was disturbed because for the first time I felt so stupid and was forced to have a conversation with stupid ppl, I really think both of them wasnt smart at all. Ok forget bout that, I will get the response soon, but really wishing for the opportunity from the Regent beijing. passing out!

arrrrrrrrrhhhhhhhhhhh pst!

mess a mess is a total mess. I want to get organized and continue with my usual life.

20 hours journey including transit time I am back in swiss again. To all my friends sorry for not informing about my arrival and departure. Well this time I am back here with more stress I feel. I have to catch up 2 weeks of lesson missed and the tests are coming up this week. Damnnn, this year werent a gd year I suppose. I am still worried about my family. Those who are sick and arent sick. I hate to say, I cant live freely, I felt there is a persistence burden drowning me down. lets see how this week goes, I created distance as distance. It was blue, white and bright pink. I wonder if we are dating.

(- _ - )'''

i dun really like the feeling of being in love, though we are already together. hope we will last.....................................................................................................................................................

quelquefois

sometimes I juz wanted to live alone, life will be much better without any responsibilities, expectations and loves. I wanted to say that I am tired of taking care of myself and at the same time worrying for others. Nothing is more depressing than worrying about someone you love, care and treasure the most. I cant believe my life without hers cause I know I owe her my life.

test test test

I have expectation for myself and others. I find it hard to keep up with them.

a sudden stagnation engulfs

I m back to the state of art making. I was bored today, and I was lazy to start studying for my tests. I took a pencil, searched for the right picture and started drawing. When it was completed, I m fairly satisfied.