As usual

Gosh, I have lost it all. In a state of confusion, disturbance and numbness. I heed towards something that meant to be a stepping stone. Others might have thought otherwise, I have embraced it, and will continue to work towards that "self-assurance" that I am on the right path. I have always been positive, and wanted to continue with the same mindset. Coming back to Singapore is such a painful choice,.... but yet an insurance to someone closer. It seems that I have planned my life, as thorough as I can. I have promised her, and told her that I will be by her side someday, but that kind of assurance seems fleeting and unimaginable. Your birthday is coming, yet I couldn't even thought of a simple surprise to please you, at this moment, I wish to be by your side, whispering gently, "goodnight lao bo!"

tipsy??

I drunk half a bottle of wine left from the fondue gathering with friends. My head starts hurting for a bit. the second day has passed without her. thinking to write her a letter to say how I have missed her. She once told me that I must write to her every single day, even though she may not be online to talk to me. Hmmm.. I told her, it wasnt fair at all, cause she haven written one yet. Today, I have packed our cupboard and refolded every single clothes of hers and me. Sometimes I thought I can be a perfect househusband, I cook, I clean and I wash the clothes.....Tomorrow will be the shelves and books!

Not once a year

Hmmm, I am back, yeahh back on the net. I have to spend my vacation here, almost alone, but I am happy, happy and more than delighted to be alone. She has left, no doubt I am missing her, but the freedom to be alone is far greater than the "miss". Bad, I suppose, but well I am satisfied with the choice of not goin back. I like my little studio, my decorations, pictures on the wall, my small kitchen - almost well equipped with everything I need, my nespresso machine ( we have decided to purchase it as a Christmas Gift ) now, less craving or more craving for starbucks?? I werent sure. Time to time, I was thinking, on the train back from munich, how fortunate am I, or less?? I wonder, my life now is almost perfect and beautiful, no strive for perfection, no obsession to be rich. I love life for what it is, I pray, I hope but eventually, I knew I would lose it again and restart a new. I have watched the hours, for more than 3 times, seems crazy, apart from my assignment, I enjoyed the movie, "mrs dalloway said she will buy the flowers herself" poignant, sad, touching and well crafted. benny once told me, "apri you must watch the hours, a story about three women in a day" only if I would head his advice, then I would probably be less insane. But I admire Julianne Moore more than anyone else, the dialogue at the train station, is worth noting. Time to read the book I guess, Mrs Puhr told me, perhaps I didnt find the right book. I do take that positively, I appreciate reading in the midst of bizarre schedules and workload but now??? haha I prefer laying on the bed, peeping through the small window.

To my friend, she hasnt accept me since then, well I miss, and think about her quite often. She might think that I dont deserve, I was sentenced for what she thinks I dun deserve. My heart hurts, a little, my head finds the answer, but the good bye wasnt a thoughtful msg after all. Through this small window, you may be misunderstood, or I may be understood. After all only the heart cares and only you know if that is what I deserved.

It has been a year since my rants come back again, and again. Tell you what, I have been to Prague, one of my favourite destination, better than Paris. Though laobo would argue otherwise. Anyway, yeah we still argue and quarrel and throw things when we need. Have been missing home lately, I lost my phone, and I m so lazy that I dun really bother finding it. Projects after projects and the assignments, sometimes it really pissed me off .........she stares at me. Its time to sleep I guess. Bad laobo, but still loves you no matter how naughty you are hehe.

I guess my internship in school is really enjoyable, even better than the previous one. Other than the messed up politics within the teaching board, students are really adorable and fun to teach. live is wonderful i guess.... yes it should.

For a second of thought, I guess where she is going, and for another second I m wondering if she misses me. She is gone , forever and I will never ever get the chance to meet her again. I broke down to tears, couldnt control my emotion. yet I have to face the reality of life. I think I m becoming stronger and stronger, yet I feel I am becoming less human. I regret that i couldnt do much, much for my beloved grandma that loves me the most.

being reasonable

hm... i think i really enjoy teaching, i think i suit being a teacher. Working is tired as usual, counting down to have my schedules swop.

Even writing my blog requires so much momentum. damnnn... i lost.

it has been a long time since my last post. Anyway, i dun know wad life i m living now, for the past 20 days, i think i have not been doin anything productive besides my regular 100 sits up per day. damnnn i m so worried tat i might turn into a pig, cause i sleep and eat sleep and eat and sit and sit. i have been trying to send my cvs so that people may consider hiring me as part timer, seeking for job really takes a lot of effort, being rejected for wadeva reason is worst. hmmm, i really wish my internship in school starts asap. damnnn, the time i have been rotting here is so precious, damnnn... wad a choice. staying with lj for a month does nothin good besides testing our temper of tolerating one another. from the start i predicted tat, hmmm, i dun know if i m the one at fault. anyway her temper does piss me off.....hmmm...but still i dun know why, the opposite attracts, we claimed to be so different yet we chose to be together.